Last night I went to sleep
like I usually do around 10:00 pm and since my mother pass away and is going to
be two years in December I never dream about her I really cant explain why I
always hear that when someone especial die the first thing that happened is
that you either dream about it or see thing that make you believe that the
person still there that the person was so close to you even know you don’t see
it but is that gut feeling that is there so for the first time I dream about my
mom I think also it took this long is because I was so sad because I dint get
to say goodbye to her and also I was so piss at myself because that day before
she die she ask me to buy her a pizza and I told her that I will get that for
her the next day and I dint realize that the was not next day for me to see her
when my father call me I was just got home from work and he say your mother die
and when I went there and saw her that’s when I realize that you never leave
thing for tomorrow cause you never know if some one you love is going to be
there and even yourself never leave thing for the next day I was so sad that I
never got to say her goodbye or even be there when that happened that every
time I think about it I have that guilt inside me that I am taking it with me
to my grave but them it happened I dream about her last night and I was talking
to her and she look really good she was happy and no more pain and she even
look different then when she was alive and she was telling me that god is
really good that I should trust my faith in god that he never let us down and I
told her that I miss her a lot every time at work when I friend of mine talk
about her mother that she also pass away tears run down my face and she told me
that she knows how much I love her and I told her that I was really sorry for
not being able to give her the last thing she want and she say not to worry
about that she also told me that she know how I am and that she love both of us
including my father and that she hope to see us one day and be a family the way
we were before and I told her that every time I see my son Matthew he remember
me her cause I want it to give her one more grandson she want it a girl but it
dint happened and I was so sad cause she never got to see him and she told me
that she always see him and she watch over him and I think is true cause
sometimes I see my son playing with someone and he look up to the ceiling of
the house like he see something and them the alarm clock ring but this time I did
get to say her goodbye I never believe that everything happened for a reason
people say it all the time but I don’t think some one has to die to see the
meaning of that word I know that she was in pain with her illness the cancer is
one tough motherfucker but then again I know now that she is not suffering
anymore and she is happy now and that something that make me happy
